Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
