Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
