She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
