Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
