I am in a vortex of obligation.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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