Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm like, not good at living.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
