Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize