the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
