i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
