then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
How's work?
Spinning.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
