yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize