i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wish I only lived at night.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Michael Bay diarrhea
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
