she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
