I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
