So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
