distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
