I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize