Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize