Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
