Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
