Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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