I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
