I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
