I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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