The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
