Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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