Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
