Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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