so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
