just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
