I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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