girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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