Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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