so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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