So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
