idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
