she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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