HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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