i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
