No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
