i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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