anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
