i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
