you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
