So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
