god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I love you. Go after that dick
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
