god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
