So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
