batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
