fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
