I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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