mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
