Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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