I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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