Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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