I'm drive I can fine osifer
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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