dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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