my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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