I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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