I just saw a hot homeless man
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
