Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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