shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
