I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
