3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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