if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
