speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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