Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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