The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize