The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
