I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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