I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
