I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
